I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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