Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Jerry, you need to find god
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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