is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
