Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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