i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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