i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
