I need to stop coming to work sober
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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