talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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