you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
