why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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