Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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