he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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