So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
