Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
