my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
