party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
