He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
