She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
