you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
