I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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