not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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