Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
