When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
