I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
