I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
