We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We left the knife in your bed.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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