i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize