I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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