so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
