Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
