I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
