Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
