3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
