dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
