Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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