I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
