Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
All I want is dick and wine.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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