What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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