He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
