Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Bring me that man meat
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize