We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
