Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
