farters have to be the big spoon...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
