Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
