if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
