I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
