with your own penis?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
