Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
