Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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