There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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