In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
