When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
