We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
