I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
And then he peed in my hair
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