What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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