I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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