he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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