Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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