the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
