Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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