Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
