and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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