i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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