How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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