i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
