i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize