I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
