I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
