If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
