May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
