If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
